Wednesday, January 8, 2014 Capt. Athan;
11:07 PM
Stardate 140108.10
Incoming transmission.....
[Oh haii.
Well, it's finally 2014. 2014 and 2 weeks past so far. I gotta say I'm not feeling a mite different from 2013, or from 2012. But, a new year is a new year, so Happy New Year and all that. I know it's been awhile and well, the past few days were tiring. I mean I'm used to rushing assignments but you don't start briefings right before the year ends. That's not fair. At least let the year finish first before dumping the workload on us. That's my stand.
I gotta say it's nice to be using a laptop that is better than my old Toshiba M500. The Aftershock XG17 is an awesome piece of custom-made hardware and I can finally play games without hardware lag. It's definitely way better than the Satellite. I've been running games like Borderlands 2, Left 4 Dead 2 and it hasn't lagged once. Don't get me wrong, I still love the Satellite, but it's technically in it's retirement age now. I still keep it around. Been using it for, uh, "special purposes". Not gonna further elaborate on that.
Ok I gotta get something off my mind before I forget it.
I'm gonna try to be honest here so it might get a little...weird.
Last night, I had a dream where I was talking to my friend Clara. Well, she was talking to me. Anyway, I was approached by my, uh, you could say former "attraction", Debra. I can't remember much about what happened next but what I do remember was my talk with her while walking to HG mall. I said something like uh, "what you did to me was very traumatic for me." Then something else I can't remember, then she said, "I'm sorry, but..." then I couldn't remember the rest.
What's weird is that I still remember the event quite clearly. My greatest failure of all time. It was haunting me, and now it's still in my mind, but I don't feel it haunting any more. Am I recovering? Is that a good sign? I don't know. What I do know is that I've tried to forget that moment in my life and it keeps coming back. Something always reminds me of it. Reliving that entire moment is not a good feeling. But I guess what's past is past. I'm trying to move on, which I think is good. At least I hope I can get back to my old charming self.
But things will never be the same again.
Now, I'm trying to get back out there. "Taking in the sights", so to speak.
And...I guess I still have the girl on my mind. A girl, who, after my horrible first experience with asking a girl out, I am afraid to ask out. I'm afraid of what might happen again if she says no. I'm afraid because, to put it simply, I have no faith in myself. Not after what happened before. At least the last time, she was there to help me get through the initial shock. But this time, if I do ask, I'm afraid of what she might say. There's no one I can turn to if this falls through. And I don't think I'm strong enough to handle rejection again.
Do I? Should I?
That'll always be the question.
I need time. Time I don't have.
It's a new year indeed.
Peace.
]
End transmission.
Mission Accomplished
