Thursday, October 20, 2011 Capt. Athan;
8:50 AM
Stardate 111020.8
Incoming transmission.....
[Hey guys. I know it's been awhile, but it has been a mostly uneventful couple of months. Anyway, I'd been feeling kinda down lately, thinking about my life, my family, friends, relationships and other philosophical shit. I realised that I was leading a boring life, uneventful and dull. I see the lives of others and I always compare them to my own.
My friends usually go clubbing, drinking and other wild shit. I can't say that I like the idea of ending up wasted and broke, but in principle, they lead more "fun" lives.
It's just that I don't like the alcohol and excessive dancing that clubbing usually means. I guess I've always been afraid of what clubbing would do to me; alcohol kills brain cells, leaving me stupid, and I don't want that to happen to me. In this modern society, you're gonna need brains and a little brawn to land a job, especially one like what I aspire to be.
I've been walking the line between good and evil recently, mostly leaning towards the good side. But I've come to realise that I can't walk anywhere at all. If I go good all the way, I get pushed around and bullied. If I cross over to the dark side, pardon the joke, everyone finds me acting like an asshole. And if i continue to stay on The Line, I get shit from both sides. I can't be neutral too. Everyone would just think I'm anti-social and ignore me (and I don't want that). So, where does that leave me? In the Twilight zone? Somewhere in a Purgatory-like state? I don't know.
But what I do know is that I CANNOT take anymore of this shit. All I do is give, give, give. When do I receive? When will it be my turn?
You know, some of you guys may think I'm weird that I'm putting so much emotional, mental stuff online, but imagine being me for awhile. Friends who don't give a damn about your feelings, family who you think will listen to your problems but really just ignore it, and not having a close enough friend to share your problems and feelings with. Imagine my life. FAMILY, that just listens to my problems and feelings and just give "preset" answers. I can't even tell them about personal problems. All they do is say, "Mm hmm. yeah. ok" and not give a shit. Sometimes I just wish that I have someone to listen to me, let me open up to them, and let them do whatever close friends do, instead of me doing all those things. Maybe that's why I use this blog to vent. It's like my own little friend, just that it doesn't respond to my posts. Wish it could.
One would say that I'm lonely, and they'd be right. What I need is a partner, someone who will keep me company no matter what, who'll always be there for me, who would never betray me. I need someone like that. I don't know what else to say. I'm feeling more down everyday. Happy moments come and go in a second. After that it's replaced by more depression. I hope that there's someone for me.
Game news
I've got Gears 3!! But it's so sad how Dom sacrifices himself to save Marcus. He truly is a Brother to the End.
Just watched the campaign trailer for Modern Warfare 3. Very. Cool. I am soooo understating it. The new weapons, the return of some old familiar ones, and one of the most epic stories ever written are all rolled into one game. Can't wait for its release!
Still no new news on HALO CE anniversary, HALO 4, or Mass Effect 3. Hopefully there will be more trailers and such for these games.
That's it for now. I'll try to update whenever I can.
Till then, PEACE!]
End transmission.
Mission Accomplished
