Monday, June 7, 2010 Capt. Athan;
11:11 PM
Stardate 100607.11
Incoming tranmission.....
[Hi guys. Well, ain't got much to say. My emotions are too much for me to bear, I'm shy as hell to ask and above all else, I'm a very black sheep in the family. I SERIOUSLY don't know what to do anymore. My soul is tortured to the point whereby it considers the torture to be a natural feeling. Nobody will read my logs and understand what I'm going through. What can I say? I'm a deeply emotional guy.
Another piece of bad news. I spent my scholarship money on improving my life but I get reprimanded for it. I earned that scholarship through my hard work, workin' my ass off to study for exams that don't matter to me and I deserve my reward, deserve to use it as I wish. But I wasn't supposed to use it for things deemed "unnecessary, irrelevant," or "of no benefit" by my mum. Now she's pissed to the max and it's all my fault. But I don't think it is. I think my reasons are justified enough to let me use it as I please. Improving my quality of life so that I won't be stuck in a mundane life is what I hope to achieve. But not this result. Her being so pissed off at me for spending money irresponsibly, and me taking the heat for what I'm doing that no one else will do. If I'm dead, then this is my hell. One that I chose for myself. There's no redemption after my actions, and there's no way to save myself.
What do you expect from a person raised by thugg-ish friends, taught that being different is being unique, and when he acts differently, he receives punishment. And while people keep up with modern society, he is being held back because of the way he was brought up, who was raised like an outlaw, and how his childhood is so secluded that his present and future will never change.
This is my life. This is Athan.
My friends ask me, "why don't you get better technology to keep up with the modern world?" or "why don't you buy clothes that make you attractive?", or the best one,"why are you so anti-social?" IT'S BECAUSE OF HOW I WAS BROUGHT UP AS A KID!! I went to school with the toughest kids on the block, given defense techniques that works on animals, specifically kittens, and was expected to survive that prison. I LEARNT that to survive in a hostile environment, I'd have to blend in with the crowd. So I TAUGHT myself techniques, I BLENDED with my classmates, I LEARNT to live like they do. And you know what? IT HAS KEPT ME ALIVE! And instead of being branded as a wimp, I traveled head to head with them and they have not so much as picked on me. But now, my instincts that I grew up with have turned my friends against me. Seeing me as anti-social, no fun to be around with, and they made me feel like what they said was true. It's changing the way I see myself, warping my reality. It's turning me into a monster! And all because I was brought up with outlaws and dissidents.
Think about what I've said. Steppin' razor.
Peace.]
End transmission.
Mission Accomplished
