Wednesday, September 2, 2009 Capt. Athan;
7:47 PM
Stardate 90902.7
Incoming transmission.....
[For those people that are EXTREMELY sensitive to coarse language, please, I advise you not to read these next few paragraphs. *Warning. Content rated for mature audiences only. Viewer discretion is advised.*
Firstly,
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!? I just received info from cow that Debra was going out with masheyr. I don't blame her for who she chooses to be with, but I'm asking myself,"what the hell did I do wrong? Was I overdoing it? Am I not good enough for her? WHAT? WHAT MAKES ME SO GODDAMN IMPERFECT?" I know it's blasphemy, and I know I'll probably go to hell for that, but WHY?
I can change. I tried changing my attitude for her, but it wasn't good enough. It was NO WHERE NEAR good enough. I feel as terrible as the day she rejected me. I just haven't had the experience of actually liking someone that also likes me back, and I don't have the experience of trying to get other girls to like me. I never did. There are wrong sorts of girls who wanted to date me for the sake of it, to show off that they have a boyfriend to their friends, to gain popularity. But I do it because I want to find happiness, someone to share my interests with me, to support me in whatever I do, and in turn I would do the same for her.
I thought debra would be that girl, but no. I can't think straight anymore. She made her choice. The world moves on, with or without me.
I feel cold. Empty inside. My soul turns to ash. Nothing left to use. The fire of my spirit has died. My world left in flames. There's nothing I can do, but to walk on, walk on and never look back.
But no. I just can't do it. Why'd she have to be so perfect to me? Why'd she have to sway me away from being a demon? I thought she would wait for me, but it was all a dream. A horrible prison to keep me from seeing the truth, which is why I am so deluded.
I'm useless, insignificant, irrelevant, illogical, and most of all, wasted.
I hate myself for that. I want to do what I should have done on this year's valentine's.
I can't save myself, no no no oh oh. I can't SAVE MY...SELF!
She was my dream, my ambition, my very heart and soul. Without her I'm completely lost and wouldn't know where to go. And now she's truly gone, my heart is wracked with grief. Seeing her with someone else, makes me go insane. I'm gonna rip my heart out, and wa...tch it all... end! I'm gona wa....tch it all end! I'm gonna WA......TCH IT ALL E....ND!!
There's nothing left for me.. now, I'm hollow once again. I just watched my heart get burned and turned into ash. There's nothin' left for me to do, but to simply. Lie. In. PA...................................IN!!! so I'll close my eyes. and gently fade. away....]
End transmission.
Mission Accomplished
